"Well byte me then"! by Bryan Shelton
Don't lay down yet
hour is not
yours to
choose
Ask all
you want
ask away
ask some
more
I will tell
you
when the
hour is here
but
Don't lay
down
yet,
Hour is
not
yours
Don't lay
down
yet
Soon enough
prepare all
that is yours
for this
trip beyond
the brain trusts
of
Harvard and Yale
But
don't lay
down
yet
Not just yet-
don't lay
down
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Important Stuff-Noone Totally Escapes It
Transference is a phenomenon in psychoanalysis characterized by unconscious redirection of feelings from one person to another. One definition of transference is "the inappropriate repetition in the present of a relationship that was important in a person's childhood."[1] Another definition is "the redirection of feelings and desires and especially of those unconsciously retained from childhood toward a new object."[2] Still another definition is "a reproduction of emotions relating to repressed experiences, esp[ecially] of childhood, and the substitution of another person ... for the original object of the repressed impulses."[3] Transference was first described by Sigmund Freud, who acknowledged its importance for psychoanalysis for better understanding of the patient's feelings.
In The Psychology of the Transference, Carl Jung states that within the transference dyad both participants typically experience a variety of opposites, that in love and in psychological growth, the key to success is the ability to endure the tension of the opposites without abandoning the process, and that this tension allows one to grow and to transform.[4]
Only in a personally or socially harmful context can transference be described as a pathological issue. A modern, social-cognitive perspective on transference, uncovered by Dr. Susan Andersen at New York University, explains how it occurs in everyday life. When we encounter a person who reminds us of someone whom we do or did like and who is or was important to us, we infer, unconsciously, that this person is indeed like our significant other (whether a lover, friend, relative, or other person). Myriad effects arise from this, including inferring that traits belong to the new person that in fact belong to our significant other[5]. This perspective has generated a wealth of research that illuminated how we tend to repeat relationship patterns from the past in the present.
A new theory of transference known as AMT (Abusive Multiple Transference) has been suggested by David W. Bernstein, in which abusers not only transfer negative feelings directed towards their former abusers to their own victims, but also transfer the power and dominance of the former abusers to themselves.
This kind of transference is sometimes part of the psychological makeup of murderers, as in the case of the serial killer Carroll Cole. While his father was away in World War II, Cole's mother engaged in several extramarital affairs, forcing Cole to watch. She later beat him to ensure that he would not alert his father. Cole would later come to murder many women whom he considered "loose", and those in general who reminded him of his mother. AMT also ties in very closely with Power/Control Killers, as the feeling and view of control is passed from one abuser to a successor.
Countertransference[6] is defined as redirection of a therapist's feelings toward a patient, or more generally, as a therapist's emotional entanglement with a patient. A therapist's attunement to their own countertransference is nearly as critical as understanding the transference. Not only does this help therapists regulate their emotions in the therapeutic relationship, but it also gives therapists valuable insight into what patients are attempting to elicit in them. For example, a therapist who is sexually attracted to a patient must understand this as countertransference, and look at how the patient may be eliciting this reaction. Once it has been identified, the therapist can ask the patient what their feelings are toward the therapist, and explore how they relate to unconscious motivations, desires, or fears.
Another contrasting perspective on transference and counter-transference is offered in Classical Adlerian psychotherapy. Rather than using the patient's transference strategically in therapy, the positive or negative transference is diplomatically pointed out and explained as an obstacle to cooperation and improvement. For the therapist, any signs of counter-transference would suggest that his or her own personal training analysis needs to be continued to overcome these tendencies.
Contents[hide] |
Occurrence
It is common for people to transfer feelings from their parents to their partners or children (i.e., cross-generational entanglements). For instance, one could mistrust somebody who resembles an ex-spouse in manners, voice, or external appearance; or be overly compliant to someone who resembles a childhood friend.In The Psychology of the Transference, Carl Jung states that within the transference dyad both participants typically experience a variety of opposites, that in love and in psychological growth, the key to success is the ability to endure the tension of the opposites without abandoning the process, and that this tension allows one to grow and to transform.[4]
Only in a personally or socially harmful context can transference be described as a pathological issue. A modern, social-cognitive perspective on transference, uncovered by Dr. Susan Andersen at New York University, explains how it occurs in everyday life. When we encounter a person who reminds us of someone whom we do or did like and who is or was important to us, we infer, unconsciously, that this person is indeed like our significant other (whether a lover, friend, relative, or other person). Myriad effects arise from this, including inferring that traits belong to the new person that in fact belong to our significant other[5]. This perspective has generated a wealth of research that illuminated how we tend to repeat relationship patterns from the past in the present.
A new theory of transference known as AMT (Abusive Multiple Transference) has been suggested by David W. Bernstein, in which abusers not only transfer negative feelings directed towards their former abusers to their own victims, but also transfer the power and dominance of the former abusers to themselves.
This kind of transference is sometimes part of the psychological makeup of murderers, as in the case of the serial killer Carroll Cole. While his father was away in World War II, Cole's mother engaged in several extramarital affairs, forcing Cole to watch. She later beat him to ensure that he would not alert his father. Cole would later come to murder many women whom he considered "loose", and those in general who reminded him of his mother. AMT also ties in very closely with Power/Control Killers, as the feeling and view of control is passed from one abuser to a successor.
Transference and countertransference during psychotherapy
In a therapy context, transference refers to redirection of a patient's feelings for a significant person to the therapist. Transference is often manifested as an erotic attraction towards a therapist, but can be seen in many other forms such as rage, hatred, mistrust, parentification, extreme dependence, or even placing the therapist in a god-like or guru status. When Freud initially encountered transference in his therapy with patients, he felt it was an obstacle to treatment success. But what he learned was that the analysis of the transference was actually the work that needed to be done.[citation needed] The focus in psychodynamic psychotherapy is, in large part, the therapist and patient recognizing the transference relationship and exploring the relationship's meaning. Since the transference between patient and therapist happens on an unconscious level, psychodynamic therapists who are largely concerned with a patient's unconscious material use the transference to reveal unresolved conflicts patients have with childhood figures.Countertransference[6] is defined as redirection of a therapist's feelings toward a patient, or more generally, as a therapist's emotional entanglement with a patient. A therapist's attunement to their own countertransference is nearly as critical as understanding the transference. Not only does this help therapists regulate their emotions in the therapeutic relationship, but it also gives therapists valuable insight into what patients are attempting to elicit in them. For example, a therapist who is sexually attracted to a patient must understand this as countertransference, and look at how the patient may be eliciting this reaction. Once it has been identified, the therapist can ask the patient what their feelings are toward the therapist, and explore how they relate to unconscious motivations, desires, or fears.
Another contrasting perspective on transference and counter-transference is offered in Classical Adlerian psychotherapy. Rather than using the patient's transference strategically in therapy, the positive or negative transference is diplomatically pointed out and explained as an obstacle to cooperation and improvement. For the therapist, any signs of counter-transference would suggest that his or her own personal training analysis needs to be continued to overcome these tendencies.
See also
Notes
- ^ Kapelovitz, Leonard H. (1987). To Love and To Work/A Demonstration and Discussion of Psychotherapy. p. 66.
- ^ Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary (8th ed. 1976).
- ^ Webster's New World Dictionary of the American Language (2d College Ed. 1970).
- ^ Jung, Carl C. The Psychology of the Transference, Princeton University Press, ISBN 0-691-01752-2
- ^ Andersen, S. M. & Berk., M. (1998). The social-cognitive model of transference: Experiencing past relationships in the present. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 7(4), 109-115.
- ^ Horacio Etchegoyen: The Fundamentals of Psychoanalytic Technique, Karnac Books ed., New Ed, 2005, ISBN 185575455X
References
- Heinrich Racker: Transference and Counter-Transference, Publisher: International Universities Press, 2001, ISBN 0-8236-8323-0
- Herbert A Rosenfeld: Impasse And Interpretation, 1987, Taylor & Francis Ltd, ISBN 0415010128
- Harold Searles: Countertransference and related subjects; selected papers., Publisher New York, International Universities Press, 1979, ISBN 0823610853
- Horacio Etchegoyen: The Fundamentals of Psychoanalytic Technique, Publisher: Karnac Books, 2005, ISBN 185575455X
- Margaret Little: Transference Neurosis and Transference Psychosis, Publisher: Jason Aronson; 1993, ISBN 1568210744
- Nathan Schwartz-Salant: Transference and Countertransference, Publisher: Chrion, 1984 (Reissued 1992), ISBN 0-9330-2963-2
Original Poetry
"Be Gentle To You"
by Bryan Shelton
It's not mine anymore
your confusion
your hesitancy
your issues
they are yours
they are not mine
anymore
It is bittersweet
for me
you see
it lessens
my load
as heart for now
hangs low
But I cannot
fix you
I will love
from afar
quietly
from afar
always
This will be
good for you
for you
to be free of
this canvas
to project your
wounds upon
Wounds
some related
to me
most profoundly
having nothing
to do
with me
Wounds
Be good
to yourself
the journey
is important
Learn, be angry
love
be gentle
to
you
Always,
be gentle to
you
in the
calm
in the
storms
be gentle to
you
Construction zone
ahead
be gentle to
you
by Bryan Shelton
It's not mine anymore
your confusion
your hesitancy
your issues
they are yours
they are not mine
anymore
It is bittersweet
for me
you see
it lessens
my load
as heart for now
hangs low
But I cannot
fix you
I will love
from afar
quietly
from afar
always
This will be
good for you
for you
to be free of
this canvas
to project your
wounds upon
Wounds
some related
to me
most profoundly
having nothing
to do
with me
Wounds
Be good
to yourself
the journey
is important
Learn, be angry
love
be gentle
to
you
Always,
be gentle to
you
in the
calm
in the
storms
be gentle to
you
Construction zone
ahead
be gentle to
you
Monday, April 11, 2011
Original Poetry
When doves Don't cry
by Bryan Shelton
I don't see
as you see,
and
I never
will
and
kill me
if I
ever do
believe,
believe as
you
do.
Yes,
death preferable
to the
cancerous
twisted
judgement you aim
you shoot
on doves
flying white
in the
not-so- nice
sky of
this
life.
I am
not the
bullseye
in
your sights
I am
the shadow
of your
self-hatred
who
took body
form so
that you
would cry
no
more
you could
cry
no more
Cry if
you must
and then
cry no
more
I'm soon
gone
so
cry no
more
and then
take aim
on
what?
and what
for?
and then
cry some
more
and then
lightbulb moment
and you cry
no more
lightbulb moment
and you cry
some more
by Bryan Shelton
I don't see
as you see,
and
I never
will
and
kill me
if I
ever do
believe,
believe as
you
do.
Yes,
death preferable
to the
cancerous
twisted
judgement you aim
you shoot
on doves
flying white
in the
not-so- nice
sky of
this
life.
I am
not the
bullseye
in
your sights
I am
the shadow
of your
self-hatred
who
took body
form so
that you
would cry
no
more
you could
cry
no more
Cry if
you must
and then
cry no
more
I'm soon
gone
so
cry no
more
and then
take aim
on
what?
and what
for?
and then
cry some
more
and then
lightbulb moment
and you cry
no more
lightbulb moment
and you cry
some more
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Original Poetry-
Daisies in My heart
by Bryan Shelton
Why must I suffer
your sword for
God's sake
literally,
for god's sake
as you cut
my flesh
and skewer
the red meat
of my patience
with your
bravado of
ignorance and
misplaced vile
of the bowels
of your parents
I took a
part of you
and enclosed it
in my heart for
all time, yes
for all time
as you stabbed
and beat
and mutilated
any goodwill
of mankind
mortal
Why must
my calling go
against my
very grain
my very
grain
to despise you
of which
I cant
I try
I cant
I wont
I can
I wont
Next time
hit your
mark
in my heart
and make
it bleed its
end
so I wont
feel you
anymore
wont feel
forgiveness
compassion
understanding
wont feel
you
no more
Stab me
until I
feel
the revulsion
my mortal self
pleads to
feel
briefly
but ever
so
briefly
and I
promise to
move
on
No, to
move over
as you
stab mortal
mortal
the bowels
of your parents
again,
again.
by Bryan Shelton
Why must I suffer
your sword for
God's sake
literally,
for god's sake
as you cut
my flesh
and skewer
the red meat
of my patience
with your
bravado of
ignorance and
misplaced vile
of the bowels
of your parents
I took a
part of you
and enclosed it
in my heart for
all time, yes
for all time
as you stabbed
and beat
and mutilated
any goodwill
of mankind
mortal
Why must
my calling go
against my
very grain
my very
grain
to despise you
of which
I cant
I try
I cant
I wont
I can
I wont
Next time
hit your
mark
in my heart
and make
it bleed its
end
so I wont
feel you
anymore
wont feel
forgiveness
compassion
understanding
wont feel
you
no more
Stab me
until I
feel
the revulsion
my mortal self
pleads to
feel
briefly
but ever
so
briefly
and I
promise to
move
on
No, to
move over
as you
stab mortal
mortal
the bowels
of your parents
again,
again.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Raining Angels-Young and Old
There's no sense in wondering why really. Why new angels fall upon my pathway. Why old ones abandon or die. Why I'm blessed with a jigsaw like complexity. Why I'm sometimes burdened with the same and feel all alone..."different"....untethered....floating in anticipation of a new answer...better yet, an important new question.
There is an abundance of those (questions) living in the crawl space of my soul. I love big questions. Give me a person over 70 anyday of the week for coffee upon coffee....answers upon questions.
I can't absorb older people enough. In them lies the truths of living.....
Young people meanwhile are so nice to me. They indulge me. Not sure why...and most the time they dont act like I am drilling into a cavity. They typically seem sincerely engaged in my quiz-a-thons. No doubt if its one of my adult children's close friends they indulge me hoping I'll buy pizza and such.
Its all worth it to me. If they knew the truth, they could manipulate me into a mini-vacation in exchange for one of my long quiz sessions...pizza's cheap admittance into the passions of their hearts at age 20something.
Young people fascinate me. They ask the questions....reveal the anxieties and hopes...of the 22nd century. Older people I sit with tell me where I've been. Younger people show me where I might want to go.
What I find particularly fascinating about this generation of 20somethings...what I deeply appreciate and admire, is in listening to their lives and plans...if any...is it seems like a much more patient generation who pan 30 blueprints of possibilities instead of the 2 or 3 my generation use to quickly decide upon and dive into regarding aspriations of "what do I want to do when I grow up".
I love affirming, L=O=V=E affirming, "I'm not sure yet" to a 20something! As long as they are making ends meet (food, water, shelter)..God Bless Them...they dont need to be "sure".
During my "growing up days", "Not sure yet" ='d a stigma of "lazy", "aimless", "irresponsible". Life blueprints were treated as if they were science back then. Today, thankfully I might add in this author's humble opinion, a life blueprint amongst alot of 20somethings I sit with, is more art than science.
Yay for all of you! It takes courage and a certain individuality to buck old ways and be measured in your life plan choices. This generation of young adults seem to "get" that there are so many internal emotional, psychological, spiritual, sexual changes from years 19-31 or 32....that "easy does it" on lifelong obligations is such a wise path in the majority of situations.
Obviously if there are small children involved, the equation changes some...particularly without the enlightened and supportive help of family and/or friends.
Krystina, Brad...and many more of their generation who've allowed me off and on to "sit" with their journeys...Kudos for measured, artistic and patient life decisions!
And to the three 75+ year old women who took me on a "date" to see, "In Search of Mozart" thursday night at the Tivoli....the youngsters have nothing on you as all three of you remain young in spirit and similarily, have made many decisions in the past three years of your lives not in the haste of the dying....but in the wonderment of all the excitement and possible fulfillments around the still-to-come corners of your lives.
Thank you my higher power for showering me daily with angels young and old! Please in some way use me to give back all I can to these fascinating souls!
There is an abundance of those (questions) living in the crawl space of my soul. I love big questions. Give me a person over 70 anyday of the week for coffee upon coffee....answers upon questions.
I can't absorb older people enough. In them lies the truths of living.....
Young people meanwhile are so nice to me. They indulge me. Not sure why...and most the time they dont act like I am drilling into a cavity. They typically seem sincerely engaged in my quiz-a-thons. No doubt if its one of my adult children's close friends they indulge me hoping I'll buy pizza and such.
Its all worth it to me. If they knew the truth, they could manipulate me into a mini-vacation in exchange for one of my long quiz sessions...pizza's cheap admittance into the passions of their hearts at age 20something.
Young people fascinate me. They ask the questions....reveal the anxieties and hopes...of the 22nd century. Older people I sit with tell me where I've been. Younger people show me where I might want to go.
What I find particularly fascinating about this generation of 20somethings...what I deeply appreciate and admire, is in listening to their lives and plans...if any...is it seems like a much more patient generation who pan 30 blueprints of possibilities instead of the 2 or 3 my generation use to quickly decide upon and dive into regarding aspriations of "what do I want to do when I grow up".
I love affirming, L=O=V=E affirming, "I'm not sure yet" to a 20something! As long as they are making ends meet (food, water, shelter)..God Bless Them...they dont need to be "sure".
During my "growing up days", "Not sure yet" ='d a stigma of "lazy", "aimless", "irresponsible". Life blueprints were treated as if they were science back then. Today, thankfully I might add in this author's humble opinion, a life blueprint amongst alot of 20somethings I sit with, is more art than science.
Yay for all of you! It takes courage and a certain individuality to buck old ways and be measured in your life plan choices. This generation of young adults seem to "get" that there are so many internal emotional, psychological, spiritual, sexual changes from years 19-31 or 32....that "easy does it" on lifelong obligations is such a wise path in the majority of situations.
Obviously if there are small children involved, the equation changes some...particularly without the enlightened and supportive help of family and/or friends.
Krystina, Brad...and many more of their generation who've allowed me off and on to "sit" with their journeys...Kudos for measured, artistic and patient life decisions!
And to the three 75+ year old women who took me on a "date" to see, "In Search of Mozart" thursday night at the Tivoli....the youngsters have nothing on you as all three of you remain young in spirit and similarily, have made many decisions in the past three years of your lives not in the haste of the dying....but in the wonderment of all the excitement and possible fulfillments around the still-to-come corners of your lives.
Thank you my higher power for showering me daily with angels young and old! Please in some way use me to give back all I can to these fascinating souls!
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